Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
