capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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