This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
