Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
