Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
