I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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