Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
