She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
