GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
