Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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