My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize