Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
