Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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