What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
