try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
