i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
