On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
