I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
where are my eyebrows?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
