i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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