I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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