whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
