Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
