You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
