She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
