At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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