Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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