Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
im holly from the hills drunk
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
