So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
