and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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