Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
