This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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