Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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