so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
