just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
