Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
