just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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