I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
