So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
