Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
