my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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