Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
