If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize