Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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