just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
