I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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