Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
