Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
