My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
