Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
