saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize