Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
