I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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