he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
