So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize