The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Actions speak louder than pants.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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