I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
