he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
