So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
