I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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