If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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