My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
