i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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