Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
