And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
