Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
i've created a new STD.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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