ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
